I need advice on how to deal with a control freak.?

The entire time we were married and thru the divorce he did whatever he could to control situations. Mostly using the kids against me (not letting me see them etc.) Now the divorce is final but he still tries to control everything. We have shared parenting so we have the kids equal amount of time etc. But he will tell the kids things like no your mom isnt allowed to go take you to get your haircut....He has a new live in girlfriend (she was there like the day after the divorce was final) so I wish he would just leave me alone and worry about her. But I really need to know how to address things that he says to the kids about what I ';cant do'; and just get him to lighten up towards me. He really doesnt have to be nasty to me everytime he speaks to me does he?I need advice on how to deal with a control freak.?
Your ex sounds like my ex. When he would try to control what I did with the kids, I did what I wanted when I wanted because they are MY KIDS! We have shared custody also, and if he said I couldn't do something, I did it anyway. He can try to control you all he wants, but the bottom line is YOU ARE DIVORCED. He is no longer your husband, and therefore HAS NO CONTROL over you or your life! Don't know about your ex, but all I have to tell mine is to take me to court, and we will let a judge decide. Shuts him right up.I need advice on how to deal with a control freak.?
Control freaks have control only over what we allow them to control about us.





I'm a control freak of sorts, but I'd like to say I'm healthy (ok, relatively) about it. For example, I change my own oil, do most of my car repairs, etc.





But I don't try to tell others what to do. My control comes from setting boundaries. I will control what 'I' do, not what others do.





If your ex-husband tries to tell you what to do, how to feel, etc (my ex-wife was good at telling me what I should feel, etc) you simply let them know that they are free to live that out in their life, but as for me, I'm going to make my own choices about what to feed the kids, when I can take the kids for a haircut, etc.





Control is really an illusion. Control freaks often feel out of control in their own lives, so they try to control others.





Everybody seeks control, the question is, do they seek to control themselves or others. I suggest (as I can't tell you without sounding controlling) that you simply control your reactions and do not give him control.





He can't control you unless you let him.





Check out Patricia Evans, Controlling People at your local library or bookstore.
He's going to say what he's going to say. More power to him. Ignore him and be there for your kids. Don't bad mouth him to your kids, they're catch on eventually as to what an *** they have for a father.
Sorry for your situation and I'm even more sorry for your kids in this situation. In a divorce the kids often get the worst of it. In this instance I would say the best thing you can do is comunicate with your kids. Spend a lot of extra time just talking to them and listening to them. Kids are not dumb so they will figure things out eventually. Be straight forward and honest with them and as much as possible don't be mad at their or put him down in front of them. You have to build trust with your kids through your actions and everything should turn out fine. If you have problems that continue with the ex's behaviour tword you then you may need to see a lawyer about changing the custody situation to help eliminate interaction with him.
A control freak. Ok so Im not claiming to know the absolute answer to this question but maybe I can make some suggestions that will help.... Try changing your reactions to him and the way you approach him. First of all repeat his offensive words back to him, like if he says ';your arent allowed to feed the kids steak'; say ';so Im not allowed to feed the kids steak? What do you want me to feed them?'; this lets him hear himself and could shake his resolve. say his response is ';you should feed them cheese instead'; then you would continue the playback ';so I should feed them cheese?'; In doing this you are building rapport with him (believe it or not) and letting him know that you are hearing him. opening the door for him to allow your opinion to be heard. If you can remain calm and not allow his bullying to shake you, you may be able to break down the wall he is putting between the two of you and make things easier for you. congratulations on your divorce and good luck to you.
I have dealt with many control freaks in my day. First, don't ever react to what he says or does, thats what they feed on. If he gets the result he doesn't want to get directly from his controlling behavior he will quit doing it. If he tells the kids that you can't do something, the first thing I would do is make it a point to do that before he gets them next.