I need advice on how to get over my past... anyone?

im 18 yrs old and confused about a lot of things in my life right now. im having a real hard time getting over my past because it has affected my present in so many ways... i was sexually abused by my uncle when i was 5... my mom left when i was 10... i still see her but we dont talk alot (i guess i never completely forgave her) i used to have really bad self-esteem issues because of it... ive also never had a real boyfriend... i have so much on my mind right now (i also have anxiety/obsessive disorder) i guess what i really want to know is why things are the way they are... im trying to figure everything out... u wud think that since i was abused i would be afraid of sex but im the complete opposite... i just dont understand how i can love the act of sex but am truly afraid to commit? thoughts are rushing thru my head right now and any help from anybody would be greatly appreciated!I need advice on how to get over my past... anyone?
move on. keep yourself busy. experiment on new things.I need advice on how to get over my past... anyone?
Hi





So sorry tha tyou have had to go through those horiific experiences. It was not your fault.





When a person has been abused, they beleive that they are only wanted for that reason, and feel that they should abuse their own body too. This isnt uncommon for survivors of abuse. Dont feel ashamed because you feel you can commit to a relationship, your young and you dont have to rush into any type of relationship.





Because you have been hurt by those who should love you, you have trust issues and that is understandable.





Try writing everything down in a diary and keep a log of your feelings. Find a therapist you can trust and take things slowly.





If you would like to talk to other survivors of abuse, this website can help, its for survivors of abuse where you can come together for support, advice and help without feeling judged.





Hope this helps and I wish the best of luck.
have a committment with a man you think it relates more to the abuse w/the uncle but more so w/your mom ..the fear to get close w/ someone is fearing you might be abandon again...hopes %26amp; promises dash into pieces a sure sign of feeling the need to put things in order ..double checking things because who can be honest w/you ..aiming for perfection but never satisfied ( growing up feeling lonely as if no one really cared to see you) being hurt in the past %26amp; having it not resolved w/you i suggest healthy ways to go about healing therapy -free at church or even church-or take a class in college -the college offers free %26amp; personal counselors -support groups etc... instead of feeling the way you do thoughts condition to think about this or replay that ..lets feel this hurt again..i look like...im not pretty or good enough...but i love to have sex...deep down in the subconcious mind your feeling num..a continue relashing of all the hurt over %26amp; over again rather you want to admit it or not has to do w/your uncle..now take for the next two years you only had sex with men who after their done w/getting what they want treat you like dirt...then after the two years is up you'll be feeling all that repress sickening feelings of w/your uncle did....so get some true healing w/this so you can really enjoy sex %26amp;even s/day making love w/is a whole lot better w/ a man your committed too...to me healing in your case is like an onion peel it slowly layer by layer get all the crying out..the anger...take this course of action etc..until theres nothing left but the ability to use the onion on your behalf to spice up your life. don't let the fumes overtake you ..
Try to get proffessional help.. That might help..
I am sorry, thing were so bad for you. but as I can see, you need to sit down with your Mom. and have a very long talk. ask her why, things happen the way they did. if both of you will talk and get things out into the open. you will feel so much better. you cannot keep going threw life, angry at your Mom, you need to work this out. you will find it will help you very much, to understand why she did what she did. but be truthful and get everything out in the open. but try not to get angry, as you talk.





If both of you work things out, I feel would put an end to a lot of your other problems. I know you cannot change the past, but you can cope with it. or just ignore it and move on. if you dwell on the past, will only mess your life up. put it behind you. if you start to think about it, quickly shake your head and think of something else. you can never change the past, but you can change your future. look at it as starting over, in a new life.





but how ever you chose to face this. does not matter, as long as it works, and you can get on with your life. I do believe taking with your Mom, will also help her. I feel she, needs to talk to you also, but may be afraid to try. open up to her, with a smile. everyone will have to sacrifice a little to make things better for all.





Take Care,
Do things you normally wouldn't do, like go out with friends and enjoy your life, the past is the past you can't change it but you can come to terms with it. Be strong and don't let it run your life, the worst is over.
My heart goes out to you. bottom line sometimes is the need for counseling. Your self worth has been damaged, you may be feeling blame and shame for crap that was forced on you.





Sex is a weapon that has been used against you. You may use it now as a way to control guys, CZ before you didn't have control. The inability to commit goes right along with that. Giving up all the control, sharing yourself completely and trusting another, especially a man to do right by you,





Get help, analyze the details of the abuse and disown any of the responsibility and forgive yourself for the part you were forced to play in this crime. Know in your heart that you deserve to be happy and content in life. There is more to love about you than just sexual contact. To be honest, You should stop the sexually promiscuous behavior. When you do that with guys you are not in love with, you support and feed into all the bad things you feel about yourself right now. It gives you a real true reason to hate you, cuz deep inside where that scared, hurt little 5 year old girl hides out, you know it's wrong. It is leaving you empty and confussed. Remember you love the act of sex now cuz you can control it, unlike when you were 5. If you could forbid yourself to have sex with any men for awhile, (you can masturbate) concentrate on interacting with a man without that sexual crutch. See for yourself that you have more to offer, respect yourself and as an adult you can demand that same respect from every man you date. You can choose to let your past destroy your hopes for happiness, or realize what a small portion of life childhood is and take charge of the rest of your life by making better decisions and don't sell yourself short. YOU DESERVE RESPECT.





Lastly, try to resolve the issues with your mother and reach out to her for some answers to the 5 W's- who, what........the missing details of whats transpired can be the link to forgiving her and starting a line of comunication with her that may fill a void being filled up with sex acts.





Open your arms as wide as you can, then slowly bring them toward eachother in front. Allow them to pass and cross over until they reach your shoulders. Yes you just hugged yourself for me, cuz I'm not there, and you sure as hell need a hug.





There is a lot of love in the world, please heal yourself and open up to the joys love can bring.
well the act of sex is not nearly as frightening as the thought of love partly because you've got over the feeling that letting some have sex with you gives them the chance to hurt you but to let someone love you or worse let your self love someone leaves you completely open to being hurt it is one of the hardest things to do but once you let it happen you'll find that is worth the risk
I think the incidence which occurred at the age of 5 has left a deep scar on your mind. If you want to forget it and get life going you should forgive the person who has inflicted such a wound on you. Close your eyes and re-experience the whole thing. that way you will be able to get rid of the memory. You will find the intensity of the feeling will decrease and you will start living normally.